Breaking Your Heart
by emeraldonix
Summary: I lift my head at the sound of his voice.  I jump up from the ground and run forward to throw my weak arms around him.  "Just kill me Sasuke.  Please.  Please do it!"  I sob into his chest.  He drops his sword and I hear it hit the ground.  "I can't."


Breaking Your Heart

_I fall to the ground at the base of the tree and let my forehead rest on my knees. My sobbing wracks my body as the terrible sadness takes a hold of my body again. What did I do to deserve this? Why is this all happening to me?_

_ I hear the rustling of bushes and find myself hoping for a rogue ninja to end my miserable life. I would do it myself, but I'm too much of a coward. I've tried many times, but I always back out at the last moment._

_ "Sakura."_

_ I lift my head at the sound of his voice. I jump up from the ground and run forward to throw my weak arms around him. "Just kill me Sasuke. Please. Please do it!" I sob into his chest._

_ He's stiff in my hold, and that just makes me sob harder. "Please." I whisper again._

_ I hear his katana unsheathe and I look up to his face, determined to make it the last thing I see in miserable life._

_ He stares at me for a minute, and slowly brings his katana up to the back of my neck. I blink back my tears and whisper, "do it."_

_ He drops his sword and I hear it hit the ground. "I can't." He whispers._

_ I collapse into him and sob harder than I ever have. His arms encircle me and when I look up to his face again, his lips meet mine and I know that somehow, everything will be alright._

I wake up with a start and curl up to retain my body heat. I should be used to this dream since I've had it every single day since he left and that was three years ago. I just can't get over the extreme depression I always have during the dream. What could cause so much sadness? Not even Sasuke leaving left me that devastated.

"Sakura where's my toothbrush!"

I crawl out of my bed after wiping the thin layer of sweat from my forehead and make my way to the bathroom where Ino is frantically searching the drawers. I push her out of the way with my bare hip and open the medicine cabinet to pull her purple electric toothbrush and toothpaste out. "Why'd you put it up there? Jeez you're so OCD!"

I roll my eyes as I grab my robe from its hook and pull it around my near naked form. I always sleep in a sport's bra and underwear. It's the only way I can fall asleep. "I'm not OCD, you're just a slob!" I call over my shoulder.

I pour myself some coffee that Ino must have made and take a sip before digging through the fridge for something to eat. I settle for yogurt and take tiny bites until the small container is empty. I toss it in the garbage and throw the spoon in the dishwasher before heading back to my room to get dressed for my shift at the hospital. I have a ten hour shift today, and I almost climb back into bed at that thought strikes me, but instead I change my underwear and bra before pulling on light pink scrubs with a floral print and tying my hair up in a long ponytail. I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and after yelling at Ino to stop belting out the lyrics to her favorite song of the week while she's showering, I grab my keys and leave my apartment.

I force more chakra to my hands and fight off my exhaustion. The boy was absolutely fine and it looked like we were done with his transplant surgery, but somehow I must have missed something because the heart just won't start beating and he's dying. I mold my chakra into lightning and deliver a shock to his heart, but it does nothing. I look at my watch and slowly pull my hands away from the dead boy. "Time of death; 9:47." I mumble while fighting off my tears. He was only eight years old and the most precious thing. He was born with a rare heart condition and I was transplanting his new heart just now, but I messed it up because _that_ dream pried my attention away from him and over to Sasuke.

I somberly wash my hands and remove my protective clothes before slowly making my way to the waiting room. I trudge into the room to see the boy's parents. They're laughing lightly and I can see and feel their hope radiating off them, and I feel like the worst person in the world when I utterly crush them with the news. The wife is sobbing into her husband's shoulder, and the man is crying quietly to. I leave them in peace, because I know they wish it was me dead on that table and not their son, and I would happily allow that to happen if it were possible.

_No you wouldn't. You're too selfish._

I shudder as I hear my own voice echo through my head. My inner self over the years has gone from supporting me to criticizing me and pointing out all of my flaws and weaknesses. I know she/I'm right though. I am too selfish because I refuse to let myself die before I see Sasuke again. Then when I do, I won't want to leave him, and I'll just continue with my life while the little boy is buried in the graveyard with all of the other undeserving corpses.

"Sakura! Help!"

I run down the corridor at the sound of Shizune's voice. She's trying to staunch the bleeding on a man's forehead, and when the spikey blonde hair registers in my mind, I know its Naruto. I rush forward to help her, but she shoes me off. Go help Kiba! I've got Naruto!"

I ignore her orders and start pouring my already exhausted chakra reserves into Naruto. I use so much so quickly that the wound on his forehead stops bleeding and scabs over almost immediately. I'm light headed and I feel like I should be doing something as I hear the shriek of someone dear to me, but I fall to my knees, and then everything is black.

_I lift my head at the sound of his voice. I jump up from the ground and run forward to throw my weak arms around him. "Just kill me Sasuke. Please. Please do it!" I sob into his chest._

I wake up and my body feels limp and aches everywhere from draining myself of chakra. I remember what happened and force myself to get up and stumble down the hall of the hospital to look for Naruto. I find him in recovery and I plop down at his side and take his hand. He doesn't even stir, but at least he's stable and breathing on his own.

"So even after you know he's ok, you don't even bother to check on the others. You're such a selfish bitch, Sakura."

I turn around at Ino's venomous words and flinch like she just stabbed my with one of the kunai at her hip. There are dried tear tracks on her cheeks, and new ones are threatening to spill over. Her bottom lip is quivering with anger, and her fists are shaking at her sides. "I put up with it because you were hurt over Sasuke leaving, but enough is enough. Neji lost his eyes last night. You could have helped him, but you wasted your time on Naruto when Shizune already had it under control."

"Why do you care much about Neji?" I ask with a vicious sneer to my voice.

"Kiba died." She says while her tears spill over.

I look back to Naruto. "Yeah, well now you know how I feel." I mutter.

Her slap is fast and stinging and leaves me stunned. "I'm moving out. I don't ever want to see you again!" She screams before storming out of the room.

_He's stiff in my hold, and that just makes me sob harder. "Please." I whisper again._

"I have an important mission for you."

I think of these words as I lay bleeding in front of the Konoha gates. I somehow managed to drag myself this far, but I can't go any further.

"Hey, what's that?"

"Choji go get Lady Tsunade!" I hear an all too familiar voice call.

I'm starring up at the stars, when they're blocked from my view by blonde hair and blue eyes. "I'm only doing this because I'm not selfish like you. I should just leave you to die, like you did to Kiba." She mutters.

I feel something wet on my face and wonder why I'm crying, until I realize it's on my forehead and that it isn't my tears, but Ino's. I'm about to say something, but blackness takes over my world like it has been doing a lot lately.

"Damnit!" Tsunade exclaims.

"Why isn't it working?" Shizune says with an obviously distressed tone to her voice.

Tsunade shakes her head, when it dawns on her. "She used that jutsu." She whispers to herself while gazing down at the dying girl in front of her.

"Jutsu?" Shizune asks.

"A year back she was fascinated by a certain forbidden technique. It makes the user immune to other people's chakra, but at a very steep risk. Her own chakra is keeping ours from entering her system. I never thought she would actually use it though…" Tsunade says with a certain sadness about her.

"So what can we do?" Shizune breathes.

"There's only one thing, and I'm afraid it will nearly kill her."

"Is it harmful?" Shizune asks.

Tsunade shrugs. "It probably hurts, but I mean emotionally, not physically."

_I hear his katana unsheathe and I look up to his face, determined to make it the last thing I see in miserable life_

I blink my eyes open and shut them at the bright fluorescent lights and white walls. After a while, my eyes grow accustomed to the light, and I immediately can tell something's off. My lower abdomen is aching, and when I bring a hand to rest on it, I find it wrapped in gauze. I try to bring chakra to my hand to access the damage, but nothing happens. I furrow my brows in confusion and try again, but get the same results.

"You can stop trying; it'll never work."

I look up to see Ino staring at me with a blank look. I feel regret flow through my body as she stares at me like I'm a stranger. "I asked to be the one to tell you this. It's only fair since you took my life from me; after all."

I bite my bottom lip. "What are you talking about?" I croak out.

Ino chuckles darkly and shakes her head. "If only you had listened to Tsunade and not preformed that jutsu. Maybe you would still have your chakra."

At her words I feel the aching sadness from my dreams take over me as the grim reality sinks in. I stare unblinkingly at her as she doesn't even bat an eye when she says, "Oh yeah; one more thing. The blade pierced your Uterus, so it looks like you won't be able to carry any of your precious Sasuke-kun's babies."

I choke out a sob and Ino leaves after giving me one more cold stare.

_He stares at me for a minute, and slowly brings his katana up to the back of my neck. I blink back my tears and whisper, "do it."_

I run from the village as quickly as I can and don't look back. I can't bear to be around the other ninja anymore. It's too much to bare. Naruto tries to comfort me, but that just makes it worse.

I pull a kunai out of the pouch on my leg and hold it to my wrist. _You might as well._ My inner voice taunts. _You've already messed everything else up._

In the end, I just drop the weapon like the coward I am and push on. I push through the foliage at a painfully slow pace without the aid of my chakra. I can feel it in the center of my being, but it's blocked off somehow, taunting me.

I trip over a branch and after lying there for a moment, I fall asleep.

_He drops his sword and I hear it hit the ground. "I can't." He whispers._

I wake up and quickly get up. I keep walking, but the determination that was just flowing through me disappears.

I fall to the ground at the base of the tree and let my forehead rest on my knees. My sobbing wracks my body as the terrible sadness takes a hold of my body again. What did I do to deserve this? Why is this all happening to me?

I hear the rustling of bushes and find myself hoping for a rogue ninja to end my miserable life. I would do it myself, but I'm too much of a coward. I've tried many times, but I always back out at the last moment.

"Sakura."

I must be asleep. It's that dream again. I pinch myself hard, but nothing happens.

I jump up from the ground and run forward to throw my weak arms around him. "Just kill me Sasuke. Please. Please do it!" I sob into his chest.

He's stiff in my hold, and that just makes me sob harder. "Please." I whisper again.

I hear his katana unsheathe and I look up to his face, determined to make it the last thing I see in miserable life.

He stares at me for a minute, and slowly brings his katana up to the back of my neck. I blink back my tears and whisper, "do it."

He drops his sword and I hear it hit the ground. "I can't." He whispers.

Even though I'm not on the brink of death, my life flashes through my mind and I realize just how self-absorbed I've been; and now I'm trying to place the burden of ending my life on Sasuke. "What's wrong with me?" I scream hysterically while gripping his shirt in my fists.

He just stares at me, and when I see a flicker os worry and something else, my longing flares up and I hate myself. Even now I'm only thinking about myself.

I take a step back from Sasuke and a calmness comes over me. I bend down to retrieve his blade from the grass and as I'm handing it back to him, I change my mind. I've never done one good thing, and it's time I did. This world will soon be a better place. Too bad I won't get to see it.

"Fine if you won't; I will."

As the blade goes through my heart and blood sprays over Sasuke, in my last moments I realize I just screwed up again. I broke Sasuke's heart.


End file.
